Learning self-care through the many ups and downs in life

 Learning self-care through the many ups and downs in life

During a chat with an old  acquaintance, I inadvertently revealed that I am regulary seeing a therapist. The reaction to such news was overwhelmingly positive. It began with a bombardment of issues related my health and the causes of my mental disorder.  And then it transformed into an unplanned game of agony Olympics, in which I was forced to fight against my own thoughts. My problems and fears were dismissed as something I made up, and terrible life events were weighed on a scale of one to ten.

I was a youngster alone in this world with only one wish: to be liked and admired. So I often made an additional effort to appear as classy as possible. That I was performing exactly what all the cool youngsters on Television shows were doing: smiling, paying attention at my appearance, and being appealing. And exceeding everyone's standards of me by winning debate tournaments and maintaining flawless marks. If perfection were a sickness, I would be constantly unwell. Perfectionism is an intense sport, and every setback brings you to tears. And my mum would still advise me not to cry at such instances.

Never was I consoled while sobbing; all I heard was a continuous voice urging me to quit moaning. That made  me realise how much people dislike unhappy individuals. That grief comes in small doses and for suitable reasons. That emotion should be held for a  short period of time and then moved on, never to be saddened again because of it. One essential lesson I took away from all of this was how to disguise my enormous melancholy. I had an odd connection with sadness. It will appear at the most inconvenient times, leaving me devastated and dejected. I never understood how to cope with it.

The first time I asked my mother to take me to a therapist I was 15, she yelled at me, horrified that I would even dare to ask for such a crazy thing. When her anger subsided, she came by my side and gently told me “this therapy thing is for crazy people Kaushkey and you are not crazy. Everything is fine, why would you possibly need such a thing for”. The ending statement of that conversation was how therapy is a western hoax. That was the beginning of my mother’s obsession of turning me into a religious girl. “God can solve everything child, put faith in him”. 

Although though I was convinced that I required assistance, I was still wary of allowing anyone to assist me. I was terrified of the concerns they might raise and the decisions they will make. I was afraid of being reminded of the same stuff that everyone else had been feeding me: "it's all in your brain," "you're being theatrical," "you're not sad, just lethargic."

I was scared to my core that all these things that people have been saying about me would turn out to be true. For three years of my life, I had existed in this weird dilemma that If I show my symptoms then I was being a burden and If I don’t show them then I was faking it. And at that time living in that confused limbo looked so much better than getting help and ripping off the Band-aid. Eventually, I ceded and ripped the Band-Aid off.

In my 2 years in counseling, I've learned that talking about my challenges and concerns really helps me untangle them. That dumping on or disregarding our issues and anguish is not how we should conduct our lives. It taught me that, while hardship is a component of living, living should not be a component of your never-ending pain. Many individuals believe that treatment is just for persons who are insane, intellectually retarded, or physically handicapped. Those who see a "therapist" are sick, screwed up, or irreversibly ruined. This is the most wrong assumption of people who go to therapy. 

Processing and making peace with our trauma and improving our mental health is one of the most rewarding investments we can make. We all applaud people for spending hours toning and shaping their bodies. We never judge anyone for going to the doctors to get a physical diagnosis or taking medicines for diabetes or asthma. Then why shame people for keeping their mind in shape, or going to a therapist or a psychiatrist or for taking anti-depressants and other medicines? Why not see and acknowledge mental illness as a real disease and not a bad thought process or attitude? Why make people feel weird about taking care of their minds?

Our minds are the most valuable aspect of ourselves. It is where we genuinely dwell; it is the source of all our ideas, feelings, decisions, talents, all that we've ever imagined or felt. Keeping that priceless part of oneself is priceless. I'd like to live in a society where individuals are not ridiculed for getting help for mental ill health. I can't tell you how much counseling has benefited me. It has allowed me to recognize all of the aspects of myself that I previously felt were best kept hidden. It was a companion to me when I didn't have any. A buddy through adversity and grief. It helped me see how colourful life is and how it seemed so dreary and grey.

I had to realise that it isn't a 'forgive and forget' process, but rather one of increasing my strength to cope with it all on my own. It is a mental reset and a healthy indulgence in self-care. It's such a pleasure to go around this globe with a clear mind on my shoulders. It's a wonderful experience to be healthy and joyful.

Have a look on the following

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vaTLsypExk&t=3s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxyqLNwqKzM&t=16s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtWWEhUUfuc

Manage your rage before it rules you

 Manage your rage before it rules you

We've all experienced fury, either as a passing nuisance or as packed rage. Rage is a fully natural and, in most cases, acceptable emotional state. However, when it becomes toxic and out of hand, it may cause issues at work, in relationships, and in daily life interactions. Rage might feel like you're at the whim of a volatile and overpowering feeling.

What is anger?

According to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychology scientist who studies anger as a human emotion. He says anger is "an human emotion that ranges in magnitude from moderate annoyance to severe wrath and violence." When you are upset, your breathing and heart rate rise, as do your numbers of energy chemicals, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Rage can be triggered by both intrinsic and extrinsic factors. You may be furious at an individual (such as a coworker or boss) or incident (such as a traffic jam or a cancelled trip), or you may be upset as a result of fretting or brooding over personal concerns. Anger can be triggered by memories of painful or upsetting situations.

Letting out the anger:

Responding violently is the instinctual, intuitive method to show anger. Rage is a normal, evolutionary adaptation to dangers; it generates strong, often violent sentiments and behaviours that enable us to fight and defend ourselves when assaulted. As a result, a certain level of rage is required for human existence.

Individuals cope with their furious sentiments through a number of conscious and unconscious mechanisms. There are three strategies: revealing, concealing, and relaxing. The finest approach to communicate rage is in an authoritative, rather than hostile, manner. To do so, you must learn how to express your demands and how to get them satisfied without harming others. Being confident does not imply being forceful or demanding; rather, it implies respecting oneself and others.

Rage can be controlled before it can be turned or redirected. This occurs when you suppress your wrath, quit thinking about that as well, and concentrate on something constructive. The goal is to control or restrain your anger and redirect it into more beneficial action. The problem with this sort of reaction is that if it is not allowed to show itself outside, your wrath might shift inward—on yourself. Anger directed inward can result in hypertension, increased blood pressure, and depression.

Anger management

Rage therapy is to lessen both your deep reactions and the chemical stimulation caused by anger. You can't just ignore, or change the something or someone who irritate you, so you can learn to regulate your emotions.

Strategies to keep anger at bay

Relaxation

Relaxation techniques, such as steady respiration and soothing images, can aid in the reduction of furious sensations.  Literature and classes are available that may teach you relaxation methods, and once you've learned them, you can use them in any scenario. If you're in a relationships with a hot-tempered spouse, it could be a great idea for one or both of you to master certain strategies.

Intellectual reorganisation

Explicitly put, this entails altering your way of thinking. Anger causes people to cuss, swear, or use very colourful language that reflects their inner feelings. When you're furious, your thoughts might become excessive and theatrical. Replace these irrational thoughts with more sensible ones. Instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's bad, it's terrible, everything's wrecked," remind yourself, "it's irritating, and it's normal that I'm unhappy about it, but it isn't the end of the story, and being angry won't cure anything either."

Problem deciphering

Occasionally our rage and irritation are the result of very genuine and unavoidable challenges in our life. It's not like all anger is misdirected, and it's frequently a good, natural reaction to these challenges. There seems to be a societal idea that every issue has a resolution, which adds to our disappointment when we discover that's mostly untrue. The ideal mindset to apply to such a scenario is to concentrate on how you manage and tackle the issue rather than on coming up with a solution.

Healthier interaction

Anger causes individuals to leap to assumptions and act on them, and some of those judgments might be highly erroneous. Slow down and think over your comments if you're in a heated debate. Think thoroughly over what you really want to say before saying it. Simultaneously, listen closely to what the other individual is feeling and clear your head before responding.

Altering your surroundings

Allow oneself to rest. Organize certain "personal time" for periods of the day which you realize are pretty intense. 

So overall these fundamental strategies and emotional processing methods should help you keep you life free from unwanted anger and lead a much more peaceful life!

Have a look on the following

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUP1-jHSLPk&t=2s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8RkrEruxps

Some Blogs worth your Time

 Some Blogs worth your Time

Everyone on the planet is different. One individual may be exceptional with one thing and awful at another, whereas the other individual may be the complete antithesis. Likewise, when you lack the most important moment in life that keeps you alive, the other person may be overflowing with it. 

We grow discouraged and lose hope occasionally in this infinite rat race. We feel as though there is little left to strive for. When it seems to go wrong and all the doorways to the right close, we need the support of individuals like Guidance counselors or, as I prefer to call them, encouraging writers. There are people who will undoubtedly supply you with the motivation to keep progressing. They will assist you in getting up and opening all of the right doors. You need to recognise that the time to move is  NOW, because NOW may indeed become NEVER and regret creeps in. Be careful never let that happen,  ever!

Here are some writers who fall in those category. Their soul purpose is to assist you in standing up for yourself, we have compiled a list of top inspirational blogs that will undoubtedly help you gather all the bravery you need to discover oneself and maintain the flame in you blazing.

1. Motivational Memo

Peter G. James Sinclair invented Motivational Memo. It's one of the few motivating blogs supported by years of industry experience and writing expertise. You've come to the correct place if you're interested in reading topics on management, knowledge, and riches.

2. James Clear

James Clear, who is based in North Carolina, blogs at JamesClear.com, where he employs behavioural science to give tips on how to master your habits, improve your health, and boost your productivity. Hundreds of mainstream news publications have covered his work, including Forbes, TIME, Entrepreneur and others. Every month, over 700,000 people read this blog and over 350,000 people subscribe to his famous newsletters.

3. Deep existence

Stephen Guise, the proprietor of a blog that has shown to be motivating to a huge number of individuals, doesn't really trust inspirational philosophy. Stephen claims that his writing is made up of 12% inspiration and 80% reasoning. For anyone battling with self-confidence, Stephen Guise has published a book called "Mini Habits."

4. Tiny Buddha

Lori Deschene developed one of the most well-known motivational websites, which is geared on living a happy, serene, and secure life. "Simple wisdom for complicated life," says the website's slogan. It includes articles, inspiring quotations, and photos that are updated everyday. Deschene's debut book, small Buddha: easy Wisdom for Life's Difficult Questions, was released by Conari Press in December 2009 and features a compilation of tweets from the Tiny Buddha audience. Deschene's following two volumes were later released. 

5. Motivation Grid

Motivation Grid, founded by Cris Nikolov, is among the most popular inspirational websites, with thoughts, films, and writings about effectiveness and productivity. The blog, which is still relatively new, receives half a million monthly views.

6. Fearless motivation

For motivating lectures, Fearless Motivation is an excellent resource. Nick Macri created the company. They have over 4 million YouTube views as well as a tonne of inspiring video to check out.

7. Addicted 2 Success

Joel Brown launched "Addicted to Success" with the purpose of empowering and inspiring individuals throughout the world by distributing ideas of self-development and life-changing tales. It is a blog that largely emphasizes on achievement tips, with motivating articles making up the majority of the content. In the last three years, the blog has reached 54 million individuals worldwide and is continually growing.

Apart from these ShoutMeLoud, Next Big What, Mark Manson blogs are also worth checking out!

Too much motivation for a day? We suggest you gather it all and apply it to achieve success in your goals. Bookmark this article and keep reading these blogs, whenever any sort of negativity keeps an eye on you. Happy Reading!

Have a look on the following

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oAoDNigOjQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9SP2HAPn4I

Say it yourself “I am good enough”

 Say it yourself “I am good enough”

We all can connect through Experiences. Just like every other person I had spent much of my life feeling that I was inadequate and incapable of love. I had read about love in books and saw it around me but I assumed it was only for the chosen ones and I just wasn't one of those.

Ever questioned this “not good enough” notions?

What gave me the impression of not being good enough?  It was mostly due to incidents in my initial periods that I misunderstood and misconstrued. At a very young age I decided I wasn't good enough or capable of love, and that dogma would stayed with me and defined my worldview.

What impact did this belief system have on me? My self-esteem was practically non-existent. It's fascinating that once I decided I wasn't sufficient, none of the achievement could persuade my mind that I was enough. My thoughts have already made their place in my subconscious.

The list of my achievements was long. Like the time I participated at Disneyland with my choir or onstage in dance shows and musicals. It didn't make a difference when I won debate championship awards. It still wasn't enough that I earned first place in my class and addressed a ceremony full of people who were dreaming to be like me.

Why did it make no difference that I bagged a full-tuition grant and  graduated summa cum laude from college? Apart from this  while I was in situations of community and religious leadership. It did not count that I had a fantastic spouse and a lovely family. I accomplished so much  but since I had determined when I was six years old that I wasn't good enough that dogma stayed firmly in my mind. I wasn't constantly mindful of my thoughts, but my environment was dominated by those fundamental assumptions.

Searching for the root 

 While I was on my way to enlightenment that advice of a mentor played a huge role. He assisted me in determining he real reason behind my thought process. We discovered the root, and I recognized believing I was unfit and incapable of love were incorrect. But

 simply understanding the reality was insufficient to transform a decade's worth of patterns and opinions. I felt like a recovered junkie who wanted to return to what was normal. It seems weird to wish to return, yet there is a sense of security in recurrence. The unknown might be frightening, but now that I've broken loose from a period of enslavement to harmful and false ideas life seems blissful.

Come and Join me

I make an effort to call out people out there who, unlike me, have been shackled by silly perceptions for one circumstance or the other, and I assure you a happier, more content life. You will experience so much more peace and plenty if they only knew the truth. I encourage you to believe and to spread this hopeful message: You are enough!

Have a look on the following

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6D9xWfEjts&t=13s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kd2_ca7yCLA

Your Beliefs Hold the Key to your life

 Your Beliefs Hold the Key to your life 

Humans have a unique perspectives on life. Many seem to see the bright side of life every single time. Whilst others continue to blame life's difficulties. So why do so many notice the beauty of the garden while others see dry leaf ?  The real reason for this difference  is that  some of us alter the conditions around us while others adapt oneself in response to the situation.

In reality, the outside universe is only a projection of our mental landscape. How one  experience  emotions determines how one perceive the world. We experience things through the lens of who we are rather than what it is.

Just like the great buddha said “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” 

Hardly anything from the outside environment can unsettle you if you are stable mentally. Nonetheless, if our joy is only dependent on our exterior world and others, you will fail to obtain long-term satisfaction.

Circumstances and Situations and their Effects:

For certain individuals experience life as a game and play it according their own laws, while others just react to their environment. Nevertheless, how difficult the situations are, you have the ability to overcome them. Your enemy has no power over you, and your difficult circumstances have no clout. Just like Nido Qubein said “Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.”

Many times in life we find ourselves prisoner of our situation? Matters got out of hand, 

we become victims of the very situation. Lord provides problems to us based on our 

abilities. As you are aware. We need to see ourself as greater than the challenge. Next time a difficulty occurs in your life repeat thesewords of Charles F. Lummis "I am larger than everything that can happen to me"

 

Challenges empower an individual. When you face adversity, you transform into a new individual. Adversity teaches you lessons no one else can grasp the lessons and move ahead in life.

Wise Thoughts Lead to Peaceful Life:

Everybody in the society has a unique personality. What factors contribute to a individual's unique personality? We have you must have encountered folks with a variety of mindsets in the same situation. What distinguishes one person from another is their style of understanding, and different ways of thinking result in diverse ways of existence.

 

Ideas can be very powerful.  Beliefs build or break a persons character. They have the ability to be both damaging and productive. We behave or react to circumstances in life according on our thoughts. And, based on the nature of our ideas, our lives either improve or deteriorate. Just like Soren Kierkegaard said “Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.”

 

Opinions are established during the course of our lives. Tony Robbins says that once we establish a thought, we interpret all relevant information on that belief. We seldom challenge our assumptions. 

You will continue to underestimate yourself if you have self-limiting thoughts. The only way to break your cycle is to challenge your self-limiting beliefs. Our beliefs influence how we live our lives. Nevertheless, you can't accomplish something if you accept your limitations. Your opinions are merely dependent on your own and other people's references and experiences. It is critical to concentrate on the comparisons or lessons that will confirm your idea that you might achieve it.

You were created to be free from all the opinions of the world. Your ideas shape your reality. It is essential to feed your ideas, to  break free from the prejudices that are holding you back. Don't put it off any longer. Make progress forward. Do it right now. Your ideal existence is waiting for you and as Jonathan Swift Said “May you live all the days of your life.”

Have a look on the following

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7UTrf6CJPU&t=1s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LeMtBYbBjE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUP1-jHSLPk&t=2s